Counting Stars
by Gaffel
Summary: When tragedy strikes yet again in Remus Lupin's life, he feels hopeless. Sirius wants to help him, but he feels like he can't be the brightest star in his friend's life this time. RL/OC & RL/SB slash
1. With Double R

**Disclaimer: not mine. The world of Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling, her publishers and those film-making people. A few OC's however, are mine. **

**(Special thanks to my own Marauders, who know who they are) **

**So this is chapter 1 of my first multichapter fanfic. I don't see myself as a particularly good writer, especially since I am not a native English speaker. This mostly is written for my own entertainment and practice. Any (all the) mistakes are my own. Enjoy!**

* * *

_Old, but I'm not that old_

_Young, but I'm not that bold_

_And I don't think the world is sold_

_I'm just doing what we're told_

_I, feel something so wrong_

_But doing the right thing_

_I could lie, could lie, could lie_

- Counting Stars, One Republic -

* * *

Shane Starr was an exceptional young man. He was kind, clever, devoted and extremely helpful to all people. It was because of all these beautiful traits, that many students of Hogwarts liked him so much. It was also so that, when this boy came out as a homosexual, no one could hate him for it (apart from some Slytherins, who were raised with the idea it was wrong to be gay).

According to many gossiping fourth years, Shane Starr and Remus Lupin would be perfect for each other.

Everyone in school knew that these sixth years were gay, due to fast-spreading rumours and truths, so the sensation-seeking students were determined to get them together.

They set up blockades of students so that they couldn't do different than bump into each other or made sure there was no other way to their separate classrooms than to walk together. These tactiques did not have much effect, until one day when the two boys were walking in the same corridor and just passing by each other without any interaction, a girl grabbed her wand and made all of Remus' books fall to the ground with a simple spell, hoping that Shane would be so nice that he would help Remus pick up his books. He was nice enough, and that's where it started. It was the ultimate cliché, but the girls liked it.

Remus and Shane started talking and found out that they had several lessons together, but had never really noticed each other before. Never were they aware of the giggles of the girls hiding behind a suit of armour, watching intently if their improvised plan finally had good results.

When the two boys walked away together to go studying in the library, they felt like they were finally coming closer to their goal.

It only took Remus and Shane several days to become friends, a few weeks to become very good friends, and little more time passed before they could officially be spotted holding hands in the corridor, or if you were (according to the girls) lucky, you could see them in one of their Common Rooms, neglecting their homework and snogging each other softly and passionately.

The couple had even gotten a nickname. People liked to call them Remane, pronounced as 'remain', but Remus' friends James Potter and Peter Pettigrew referred to them as Wolfstarr. At first this had been James' mocking name for Remus and Sirius, who's name was after all a star.

"Now wolfstar came true anyway," James said when Remus told them about his boyfriend. "We just have to add an extra r."

For Remus the relationship became even better when Shane found out quickly about his lycanthropy, but told him he didn't mind it at all. That Remus was still his own sweet Rem like he always had been, and that he'd always wanted a dog anyway.

One person who did not like Shane Starr, was the other star: Sirius Black. To Remus' frustration was Sirius never even the tiniest bit of friendly towards Shane, even after Remus begged him to be. The werewolf had no idea what was wrong. Sirius would constantly glare at the boy without any obvious reason. When Remus asked him about it, the answer was: "I just don't like him, that's all."

Remus found out on the day he and Shane were exactly five months and seven days together...

* * *

"You're distracting me."

"What?" Shane asked innocently, who had been moving his foot up and down Remus' leg.

"Oh, you know very well what I mean. I'm trying to take notes!"

"Sorry, Rem." He put his feet on the ground.

"Just because you know everything already, mr Ravenclaw..."

"One day, this professor is going to bore himself to death, you know that? It is not my ambition to let that happen to me in his class."

Indeed, the professor was dull, slow and sleepy. Shane put his hand on Remus' thigh (who could have sworn he heard girls whisper "cute" at that very moment).

"We're in class," the werewolf whispered. "Also, I really th-" He was cut off by a paper plane hitting the back of his head.

"Sorry Moony," Sirius Black said with that charming smile of his. "That one was supposed for that beautiful girl over there."

Remus was aware of the angry glance Sirius shot at Shane before winking at the girl. He didn't say anything about it.

He turned back and heard the scraping noise of the chair next to him, and he felt his boyfriend's warm arm press against his own, followed by warm breath in his ear.

"He's really into girls, isn't he?" Shane whispered, accidentally brushing his lips against the werewolf's ear, and Remus shivered.

"Yeah," he replied. "A little too much, I think sometimes." Shane looked at him, like he was looking right into Remus' soul. The boy could read his boyfriend effortlessly, and he looked at him sadly for a few seconds before smiling again. Cursing himself for making him sad, Remus smiled at him and pressed a quick kiss on his lips. (He heard a few gasps.) "Nothing to worry about, Shany," the werewolf said comfortingly.

When he looked to the front of the classroom, he saw that their teacher had apparently bored himself to death or at least bored himself to sleep, because the man was now face-down lying on his desk.

"Let's go? He's asleep now anyway."

Shane was smiling at Remus, a slight mischievous grin on his face that reminded Remus of Sirius. "Are you sure we should do that?" He folded his arms, glancing at the teacher once again.

"Yup."

"But-"

Two minutes later, they were standing in the corridor outside the classroom.

"Okay, and now?"

Remus was feeling a bit strange, because he had never missed a lesson for no reason. Even James or Sirius hadn't gotten him so far to do it.

"I've got some ideas..."

"Here?"

A few seconds later they were pressed together in the middle of the corridor, snogging feverishly. Remus would have liked to say that he felt the whole world around him melt, and that he forgot everything except for Shane. But unfortunately, before any of this could happen he was pulled roughly away from his boyfriend by none other than Sirius Black.

"Oops, sorry." He smiled innocently at Remus. "Didn't see you here."

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

Remus decided this was a very good time to raise a second eyebrow.

"Oh no, don't give me _the look_, Moony. Okay, I was just wondering if you know what lesson we have now?"

Remus suddenly noticed that he had his arms around a girl. One of the girls he had winked at a few minutes ago. If only he had three eyebrows... They would have been raised as high as his hairline by now. But he only had two, so he had to do it with words.

"We have a free period. New girlfriend?" He felt Shane shift at his side, like he always did when Remus showed any interest in Sirius' love life.

"Yup," Sirius replied. "This is the beautiful Lisa Fillister."

There was a cough from Shane's direction. "Eh, Rem? I need to go to my next class." It was obvious that he felt uncomfortable leaving Remus with Sirius, but there was no other way. The other boy nodded and Shane give Remus a quick kiss on his mouth. "Love you."

"Go, or you'll be late." Remus squeezed his boyfriend's hand for a few seconds before letting go.

Shane smiled at him and nodded. "Bye Rem. Lisa, don't you have Arithmancy as well?"

* * *

There was a short awkward silence between Remus and Sirius as their boy- and girlfriends turned the corridor.

"You didn't say 'I love you' back," Sirius said finally. "Why?"

"...why do you care?" Sirius saw how Remus' eyebrow twitched, like he was resisting the urge to raise it again. He hated that eyebrow. It always told him he was doing something wrong, and the worst was that Remus was nearly always right. But the worst was when there were _two_ eyebrows involved. It made him cringe and feel dog-like guilty. Not really understanding what he had done so terribly wrong, but feeling guilty nonetheless. He never understood what he was doing wrong. He usually found out when it was too late and when he had hurt Remus again.

The corridor, that had been buzzing with students, became quieter again until they were entirely alone.

There was another long awkward silence as Sirius observed that eyebrow. Remus glanced around uncomfortably, resembling a dog sensing danger.

"Since when have I been awkward to you, Rem?"

"Since you don't like my boyfriend," he snapped, his voice sounding shrill "You coming?" He sounded milder already, and he started to walk away. He probably regretted being rude.

Sirius followed him, looking at Remus' back. "Do _you_ like my girlfriend?"

"Dunno. How long have you known her?"

"Let's not talk about that."

Remus sighed and turned around, walking backwards. "Why don't you like Shane?"

Sirius shrugged while they turned a corridor. He wondered how Remus did it, walking backwards like that, knowing exactly when to turn the corridor without looking. It was just like when he was walking with his nose buried in a book: he walked corridors full of people without looking up, yet never bumping into someone. He just knew when to step aside. Maybe it was a werewolf-thing. He remembered he had to answer. "It doesn't really matter, does it?" It looked like Remus was going to walk into a suit of armor, but suddenly he stopped, balancing on the back of his feet. Sirius felt his insides cringe under his look. Remus bit his lip and opened his mouth several times and closed it again, sighed, opened it again and finally spoke.

"It does. You're my best friend and he is my boyfriend. I am not planning to choose between the pair of you."

"Why not? He's not worth your time. And I-" He fell silent, knowing that he had yet again gone one step too far when he saw Remus' face. The good news was that there was no anger. The bad, very bad news was that Remus looked offended, sad, and more than anything, _hurt._ "I mean- because-" Sirius stammered, but this only seemed to make Remus angry as well. He was silent for a long time again, and there were obviously a lot of emotions going on behind his relatively calm face. Finally, anger seemed to win as his face darkened and Sirius took a step backwards in advance.

"He is not worth my time?" he snapped. "I _want_ to spend time with him. And you know why? I want to, because I am _in love._ You may have never experienced that feeling, but-"

It was probably Sirius' Slytherin side that made him so self-preserving, the side that didn't come out often. "That is not true," he snapped back. "You know _nothing_ about my experiences." But in a second, his anger faded away. "And as you most certainly haven't noticed, I _am_ in love." He proudly noticed that his voice was much calmer.

"With who? That girl you call your girlfriend while you've only just met her?" Remus' voice was cold, and so was the look in his eyes. "Not worth my time," he muttered under his breath. It reminded Sirius that he had gone one step too far.

He clumsily tried to make up for his mistake. "No, no- not with her. She's not even my official girlfriend, actually." He looked into Remus' eyes and did not look away.

"Wait." Remus frowned, a look of confusion on his face. "Do you have two girlfriends?"

He shook his head. "No. I don't have any."

Wrong answer. Completely wrong, stupid, dumb answer.

"You know what, it is disgusting how you use girls like this," Remus said angrily. "Disgusting!" He turned around to walk away but turned back again. "Maybe I care about you differently than before, still I think you should not use them. It is not fair!"

In his shock, Sirius replied: "I treat them the way _they deserve to be treated!_"

"No one, _NO ONE_ deserves to be used, Sirius! Why aren't you in a relationship for love?" Remus shook the hair out of his face and despite of the whole situation, Sirius couldn't help but notice how good he looked when he was doing that. "You can get nearly anything, why don't you go after the girl you like?"

"What did you mean by 'care differently'?" Sirius replied, ignoring Remus' words. "Now that we are talking about using people."

"Are you now accusing me of using you?!" _Gone too far. Gone too fucking far. "_I said differently, because I used to be in love with you. Oh, yes." He waited a few seconds, while Sirius was holding his breath and not moving a muscle. "But now, I can't see why."

And with that, Remus stalked away.

* * *

"But now, I can't see why." He had blurted out the words in pure anger. But now, shocked by himself, he turned around and walked away, so he didn't have to see Sirius' hurt expression for a single second longer. Still, anger burned through him. 'Not worth my time,' Sirius had said. Ha!

"REMUS!"

He turned around. Coldly he said: "What?"

"You can't just say that and leave!" Sirius' voice was angry, but then his expression softened. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.

The way Sirius' mood could change had always intrigued Remus. He could be angry, but then suddenly he would turn soft and sweet, before bursting out into tears and denying any such thing three minutes later. Remus always made sure he did not loose too much control over his emotions. Thinking about that, he said calmly: "I have to apologise too. I never meant to tell you that. I lost control." He looked at his friend with a sad glance. "You don't have to worry. It is over, really. I am sorry for putting it into words like that."

Sirius bowed his head. Bits of his dark hair fell into his eyes, before he absentmindedly brushed it away. Remus did not understand his expression. He looked... in pain.

"I understand, Moony," he said quietly, his voice thick.

The silence hung between them for a moment.

"Sirius?"

"Hm?"

"What is wrong?"

Sirius glanced around and mumbled something incomprehensible.

"Sorry, didn't catch that..."

Strands of black hair were hanging in his eyes, giving him a haunted look when Sirius said: "It's you. I fucking love you."


	2. Three Hesitant Words

**I don't own anything and I'm not J.K. Rowling or one of these film-making blokes. **

* * *

"Oh no," Remus breathed. Sirius started to walk away, but Remus put a hand on his shoulder. "Wait."

"What? There's nothing left to say." There wasn't. Sirius just wanted to leave, have some firewhiskey and sleep. But Remus' eyes kept him right where he was - those beautiful eyes, almost golden, with little dots of brown, the eyes that apparently had once looked longingly to Sirius. But not anymore.

The next second he was being hugged, but Sirius kept his back straight and didn't hug him back, because what he wanted was this exactly. He wanted to be hugged and feel the tickling sensation he had felt for over the past months when touching Remus. But he didn't deserve to feel this, because Remus was someone else's. _Not mine. _

He stared in front of him, as tears gathered in his eyes, making his sight blurry.

He had always considered Remus as 'their own'. A childish and selfish thought, but it was like that. They, Prongs, Wormtail and himself, were the ones that protected Remus. Against himself, the wolf and others, when people started asking questions. He had somehow never imagined Remus with anyone else. When Moony became a prefect, Lily became his friend.

James had been a mixture of jealousy and pride, that his friend was friends with The Lily Evans. Sirius had been furious.

"How dare she talk to him!" he had exclaimed. "Moony hardly spends time with us anymore, he's only in the library and-"

"Mate, calm down," Prongs had interrupted him. "If he wants to talk to my Evans, he has to do it. You don't own him."

Sirius rolled his eyes slightly, trying to make the tears disappear as Remus pulled away from him, sighing deeply.

He looked at him sadly. "I am sorry. I just wish I could... I don't know what I wish. I just wish that you would feel okay , but..."

When Sirius didn't reply, Remus continued. "Padfoot? Are you okay?" His face was full of genuine concern. Sirius hated it. How dare he be so loving, and caring, so kind, so attractive and so amazing? But he kept a straight face, which Remus seemed to interpret wrongly.

"Padfoot? Sirius? Will you promise me not to drink your feelings away? It doesn't work, and I am not worth it anyway."

Something clicked in his mind.

"Shut up! Shut up!" he shouted. "Shut. Up! Don't pretend you care about my feelings!" Remus obviously didn't. He loved that Starr guy. "You don't understand any of them. I just said I have loved you since Merlin knows when and you reject me! And you expect it to be alright? Damn, I have to see you give all your love and devotion to someone else, and you expect it to be alright?! Just SHUT UP!" To his disgust tears were streaming down his face by now. But even worse was the look in Remus' face. He didn't know what he'd expected; maybe hurt, anger? But Remus looked - _oh fuck _- offended. Some part of his brain registered this, but he still kept talking. "I won't bother you in the future, Remus. But don't come back to me when Starr breaks your heart."

"Right." Remus took a step back. "Right. So, according to you, friends don't care about each other's feelings."

"I wish it was enough."

"Damn it, Sirius!" Fuck, Remus rarely swore. "I've loved you from fucking fourth to sixth year, and it was always enough for me. Even though you had more than one girlfriend. I had to watch you give all your love and devotion, or so it seemed to me, to another one _and I was fine with it_. How dare you say I don't care about your feelings? How dare you, when I let you do whatever you wanted, just so you felt okay? _How do you fucking dare?"_

"Oh, but have you ever told me about any of this?" He paused. "No, you haven't! How the fuck could I have known about your feelings for me? I never wanted to fucking hurt you, dammit!"

Remus' voice was bitter when he replied. So bitter, that Sirius regretted all his words. So bitter, it made Sirius cringe in disgust with himself. It was worse than that time with the prank that had gone wrong, and that had been bad enough. "So you never wanted to hurt me? What a pity, Sirius, you just did."

Remus turned away, his golden eyes colder than ever.

When he was gone, Sirius punched the wall. He ran, somehow ended up in the kitchens and drank, kicking the chairs, kicking the walls, drank more, cried and lay on the ground. Drank a little more, somehow got back to the Gryffindor tower and collapsed onto his bed, his last thought before he fell into hundreds of nightmares that he had done the one thing Remus had asked him to do, after giving so much of himself. He was drunk and cried himself to sleep, his dreamed about Remus and Starr, kissing and Sirius was standing alone, while shadows were pulling at him and he wanted to drink but there was no firewhiskey and then he tried to change into Padfoot, but he didn't know to do it anymore, and his head ached, although it wasn't as bad as the hole in his chest that seemed to attract the shadows more than any part of his body, and he was filled with sadness and regret.

* * *

"Hey, how long have you been here already?" Shane looked up from his book and smiled brightly.

"Page 249." Remus pointed at the manuscript that lay open on page 257, taking a bite of his chocolate bar.

"Oh. Oops." He tilted his head slightly, frowned and closed the book. "Rem, have you been crying?"

"No."

"Yes."

Remus sighed. "I had a fight with Sirius and- and-" Did he see it right? Was it fear in Shane's eyes? But why?

"What about?"

Remus observed his boyfriend. His friendly face was calm, but what was going on behind it? There seemed to be some kind of battle going on behind his kind eyes. "I think you know," Remus finally said. This seemed to confirm Shane's fear. He slowly nodded.

"It's obvious," he said cautiously. "I've known for ages, really. I mean, the way he looks at you and on top of that the way he looks at _me_… That said enough."

"Oh," Remus muttered. He hadn't seen it at all.

When Sirius had told him, it had been a big surprise. And then he'd hugged Sirius and he knew one thing.

It felt different.

Oh so different from hugging Shane.

Hugging Shane was like… feeling like he desired to dissolve into the embrace and not ever be human again, just to _become_ the hug. He had felt the tiniest piece of this feeling while reading books, when there was a powerful scene, but this was so many times stronger.

Hugging Sirius was like hugging James or Peter, Lily or, in fact, any other person than Shane.

During that particular moment, the instant he pulled away from his former crush, he had heard Sirius' voice in his head. '_You didn't say "I love you" back. Why?' _It was because he had not known until then. But now, he knew it more certain than anything. He also knew that once, he had felt exactly this for Sirius Black.

Back in the present, Shane looked bothered, hurt.

He did not want to have this conversation, he really didn't. He did not want Remus to say the words he had feared ever since he had seen Sirius look at his friend and boyfriend for the first time. Shane knew that he was different from Black in almost every possible way, much like Remus, but didn't opposites attract? Black was handsome – almost angel-like, even Shane had to admit it. His personality wasn't angel-like at all, but he knew that Remus had a deep admiration for the rebellious character of his best friend. Yet Remus had chosen him, but always remained the thought in Shane's mind that he was second choice and he feared more than anything that Remus did not thing about him when they kissed.

Still, he had never spoken a single word about it. He just hoped that Black wouldn't tell Remus and Shane hated himself for not telling either.

But now it was the moment he had feared, because he believed that once Remus _knew_, it was over for him. His Rem would most definitely choose for his best friend. He hated this. "So?" he asked, fearing the worst.

Unaware of what was going on behind Shane's almost blank face, Remus sat back and sighed.

"Just say it, please," suddenly sounded Shane's voice, uncharacteristically harsh.

"Tell what?" All the feelings of the past hour seemed to come back after the few quiet minutes. He did not want to argue with Shane as well! "What happened? I- I had an argument and it started out unimportantly, but then S-Sirius said that you're not worth my time and-" Shane seemed to nod slightly "-and then I said that you _are_ worth my time, because I _chose_ to spend time with you and then he said that he- he- he-"

"That he loves you?"

Remus looked at the table.

"Yes. And then I h-hugged him because he was looking so sad and lost, and even though he had said such a terrible thing I hugged him, but it felt wrong and good at the same time because I love you and not him and after that he s-said that friendship alone was not good enough for him and-"

Shane held up his hand, a small half smile around his lips. "What did you just say?"

"Friendship isn't good enough f-"

"The other thing. It might have sounded like – I don't know _– I love you_, or something like that?"

Remus felt himself blush, and he chuckled. "Oh, ehm… yeah." Then his face fell. "I understand if you don't want me to bond with you like that, because I'm a-"

"Don't you dare saying that. Remus?"

"Yes?" He looked up.

"I have told you already, love."

"Told me what?"

"I don't give a damn about – what did James call it? Your _furry little problem, _ and I've told you more than once that I love you too." He reached up to brush Remus' hair out of his eyes. "And if Black can't be friends with you because you don't like him like that," Shane's eyes were still sparkling with happiness after Remus had said the words he'd wanted to hear, "then it is his loss. You deserve better than that. Shut up, I know you don't agree. It is okay if you don't love him, okay? And it's okay if you do, I'll… understand."

"I meant what I said, Shane." Remus moved places from the one opposite Shane to the one next to him, laid his head on his shoulder and closed his eyes. "Because this," he said, "feels special."

* * *

**The happy chapters are over now. Oh yes, these were the ****_happy _****ones. I hope that near the end... but we do not speak of that yet!**

* * *

**:)**


	3. Live for Today, then Let It Go

**Disclaimer: nope, I don't own Harry Potter. The song in this chapter is Can't Keep it In by Cat Stevens. Why don't you listen to it? **

**Warnings: discrimination, violence, slash.**

**I think this is going to be around 5/6 chapters.**

* * *

Remus didn't see Sirius much over the following weeks. They kept avoiding each other, because it wasn't likely that Sirius was going to apologise any time soon. James told Remus that his friend had changed his mind and convinced himself that _he_ was angry with Remus, not the other way around. This left them in an awkward situation in which no one made steps to talk to each other. James tried to convince both boys, but didn't succeed.

Remus now spent largest part of his time with Shane, and they were closer than ever. They usually avoided the Gryffindor common room, and both boys started revising for their N.E.W.T.s, even though they were months away. "You can't start early enough," Shane said, adjusting his Ravenclaw tie.

When the next Hogsmeade weekend arrived, it seemed only logical that the two boys would take a break from studying and go together, but Lily and James, who were suddenly surprisingly good friends, convinced the boys to go with them and Peter. And Sirius.

The snow had fallen a few days before the Hogsmeade trip. The Entrance Hall was buzzing with students who were making their way outside, either to go to the town or to have a snowball fight somewhere on Hogwarts grounds, now that they were free of homework for one day.

"We'll get away," Remus promised Shane when he caught him glaring at Sirius, just when they were about to leave. "I am about 100% sure they don't want to come along to the bookshop."

"I only wish that Black would stop staring at you. He's trying to catch your eye, I don't like it."

"Honestly, Shane," said Remus, rolling his eyes. He didn't dare to look at Sirius as they left the hall. He, Shane and Lily walked all the way to the Hogwarts gates before James, Peter and Sirius finally caught up with them. Despite himself, Remus turned around.

Sirius looked terrible. He must've had one of his mood swings again. Immediately, Remus felt a rush of guilt form in his stomach, but he pushed it away. He glanced around at the road and took Shane's hand. "Let's get a move on, shall we?" Ahead he could see several Slytherin students glance curiously back at them, which made him slightly nervous.

Their little group began to move again, with Lily and James making helpless attempts at making conversation.

Remus felt Shane's hand tighten around his.

"He does look terrible," Shane whispered, looking slightly upset.

"I'll talk to him," said Remus absentmindedly. "I should have done that earlier."

"Are you sure? I mean—"

He cut off as Sirius rudely pushed his way in between Remus and Shane.

Shane sighed. "That's what I mean."

The dark-haired boy sent Shane an angry look. "Rem—Moony, can we talk for a moment? Please?" he added.

Remus nodded stiffly, let go of Shane's hand and just began to follow Sirius, when Marlene McKinnon walked by and looked at them curiously.

"Hi Sirius, Remus," she said as she walked past them.

Sirius seemed to hesitate for a few seconds before he muttered: "To hell with it." And then louder: "Marlene? Would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me?"

The girl looked at him for a few seconds before shrugging. "Why not?"

The werewolf stood in the middle of the path on his own as he looked at the boy and the girl walking away together. "What the—", he muttered.

"Let's go to the bookshop, shall we?" he suggested once he'd gone back to the group, more to Shane than to anyone. Lily would like to go, but James and Peter had never showed a particular interest in books. Not like the other three. So Remus wasn't surprised when Lily suggested for the sake of James that they would go to the joke shop together, and Shane and Remus could go and have a look at books. "If you promise to tell me what's new in there," she added.

Sirius and Marlene followed Lily and James, whispering together, Marlene giggling.

Hogsmeade was beautiful as usual. Everything looked lovely, covered in the snow. It seemed like it was going to be a perfect day for the couple. They entered the bookshop holding hands and when the shop appeared empty, Shane pressed a kiss in Remus' neck.

"Not here," the boy muttered, laughing quietly. "What if poor old Meredith catches us?" Meredith was the old woman who ran the shop. Remus could have endless conversation about books with her, and she had recommended more than a few good books for him.

"She's not here."

"She could be here any moment."

Shane moved over to one of the shelves, looking at the covers.

"Don't judge the books by their covers, Shaney," Remus teased.

"You know I never do that. How else would I have fallen in love with you?" Grinning, the boy turned around, to show he was joking. Remus sometimes needed that reassurance, and Shane knew it.

Remus just rolled his eyes. "That is just proof that you're insane."

He scoffed. "Honestly! Hey, does Meredith still have her old record player?"

"In the corner." Remus gestured towards the place where the thing stood, together with several records, and started to look at the books.

Music started to play a few moments later. A smile touched Remus' lips as he recognised the song.

"Dance with me?" Shane's eyes were glistering. He offered his hand and Remus took it a little hesitantly.

…_Oh why, why must you waste your life away,_

_you've got to live for today, then let it go…_

"You're definitely insane," Remus muttered and laughed as the happy music played. Both boys weren't very good dancers, but they didn't care. Remus initial hesitance had faded completely.

"Inshane, you mean."

"Oh dear Merlin…"

_…Oh, lover, I want to spend this time with you,_

_there's nothing I wouldn't do, if you let me know_

_And I can't keep it in, I can't hide it and I can't lock it away._

They moved to the music and held each other closer, just staying on the same spot. Shane moved closer, put his head on Remus' shoulder and closed his eyes.

_I'm up for your love, love heats my blood_

_blood spins my head, and my head falls in love, oh…_

Remus thought that life wouldn't get much better than this.

"_I said, why walk alone, why worry when it's_

_warm over here. You've got so much to say, say what you mean,_

_mean what you're thinking, and think everything. Why not?_

_Now why why why not?_

As the last chords of the music disappeared, Remus suddenly felt Shane stiffen.

"What is it?" he asked quietly.

There wasn't any sound for a few seconds, but then the taller boy suddenly shouted: "DUCK!"

Remus was pulled down and before he knew it, three spells nearly hit him. He instinctively reached for his wand and spun around.

His heart sank.

Two men in masks had their wands pointed at them. _Death Eaters. _ Shane slowly stood up, with his wand also pointed at the two men. Remus followed him.

The tallest cloaked man spoke.

"Well, what do we have here?" The voice was a nasty, whisper-like sound.

"Two dirty little faggots," the shorter man spat, disgust clearly audible in his voice. "So they were right."

Remus could feel Shane tremble at his side, but he wasn't entirely sure whether it was fear or anger that made the boy shake like that. They both kept their mouths shut and wands raised, waiting for the others to act.

The tall man took a step forward, and Remus and Shane warningly pointed their wands at his chest in unison. "How _adorable_. There is only one problem," he said in his raspy voice. "We don't like your kind, boys."

"What are you going to do about it?" Remus said quietly, but ready to act any moment.

The short man spat on the ground. "We've got some ideas. But you know, they all_ end_ the same."

"Like that old woman," the tall man whispered. "More than a little dead."

Shane and Remus looked at each other with horrified faces.

"Poor lady, she begged us not to do it."

"_PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!" _Remus and Shane shouted at the same time, but the men were quick and ducked, and unharmed, they looked at them. The tall man smiled cruelly and the short man looked angry.

"_Incarcerous,_" the cruel man said calmly, and before they knew it, ropes bound the boys. They fell to the ground, looking up at the death eaters, and were silenced.

The shorter man kicked their wands out of their hands. "Filthy," he kicked against Shane's head, "dirty," kicked Remus in his side, "little faggots." He continued kicking until the other man ordered him to stop.

"Wait," he said, as a nasty smile curled his lips. "I want them to see each other suffer."

"Which one first?"

The tall man, who was apparently the leader, examined them. "That one," he decided, nudging his foot at Shane.

Remus, who was still silenced, frantically shook his head. _Have me,_ he wanted to say. He struggled to break out of his ropes, but couldn't. He caught Shane's eye. His boyfriend shook his head slightly, and Remus more or less relaxed, miserably watching Shane.

The men smiled. "Enjoy the show, lad."

Remus was dragged backwards, had to sit against a bookshelf and couldn't do anything but watch. "I want to hear you scream," the smaller man said. "As you see your _boyfriend_," he spat the last word again, "die." Then, he was unsilenced.

"Have me!" Remus said instantly, which caused Shane to shake his head immediately.

"Don't worry, boy. Your turn will be soon."

Shane was unsilenced as well, and suddenly Remus felt a spark of hope. The boy could do wandless magic. Remus blinked and nearly missed it: Shane muttered a few words and the light that seemed to come out of nowhere, disappeared through the wall in only a second. _He's asked for help._  
The Death Eaters seemed to not have noticed a thing. Shane and Remus exchanged hopeful glances. Then, Shane cringed in pain and screamed out as a curse hit him.

Remus shouted "NO!", struggled against his rope and failed to get himself free.

More curses hit Shane, the one even more cruel than the other – Remus tried to break free again but couldn't, shouts filled his ears and his arms burned when the ropes cut him, he was nearly blinded but still struggled and suddenly there were voices, familiar voices, shouting, and the sound of more curses. Remus had no idea it took, but it seemed to go on for ages.

James and Sirius had burst in and were now duelling the Death Eaters. However, there was a large explosion caused by the shorter follower of Voldemort and they were blown away, leaving the room for the Death Eaters to deal with Remus and Shane.

"Let's finish this quickly," the tall man said through gritted teeth, his eyes flashing with anger and determination. "Watch, boy."

Remus' ropes were removed and he fell to the ground, next to Shane.

"Remus…" the boy said, his voice barely more than a whisper. He knew what was coming. The Death Eaters were cornered, but they had to complete their mission before Sirius and James would return, possibly with even more and stronger forces.

The moment was too short, but lasted long enough to give the boy the time to whisper in a strangled voice: "Remus… I love you," before there was shouting, then only green light, loud cracks and then a silence. A silence more terrifying than anything in the world.

James and Sirius were standing in the doorway, wands still aimed at the point where the Death Eaters had disappeared, just seconds too late to save Shane, just in time to save Remus, their appearance causing the Death Eaters to flee.

Some places in the room were smoking where curses had hit them. No sweet music was playing anymore. No laughter. No words. Nothing.

But the worst silence was the absence of the beating of Shane's heart.

His empty eyes stared, still in Remus' direction but seeing nothing anymore.

Shane was dead.

Slowly, Remus sat on his knees.

"S-Shane?" The sound broke the silence so loudly that Remus nearly jumped, like being woken up from his sleep very abruptly. "Shane?" he whispered again. But no response came.

"I… I love you too—"

Those were the last words Remus ever said to Shane Starr.

He was dimly aware of closing Shane's eyes. People came in, dragged him away from the body he didn't want to let go.

"Let me through," a strangled and familiar voice said. Arms wrapped around him. "Shh, Moony… Shh…"

And Remus cried.

* * *

**Told you so.**


End file.
